Already in Hell
by tragicromancewriter
Summary: Bella never jumped, Edward never called. Its been years-do they still have a chance or were they doomed from the minute he walked away? -WARNING: character death- ONE-SHOT


_-you gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye-_

I had always known I was going to hell.

I had murdered-several times-, I had lied, stolen, and coveted-God I had coveted her. I still did-I desired her, more than anything.

My whole being ached for her, wanting nothing more than to be in her presence. But I knew I wouldn't be satisfied with that. That I would want to be closer to her.

I wanted to run to her. I wanted to see her perfect heart shaped face, her mahogany hair that flowed to her waist in slight waves, her wide brown eyes that had always been full of love, and her scent….

I winced as I inhaled-raw pain ripping its way down my throat-as I remembered why I wasn't with her now. Even holding my breath didn't help-it only reminded me I didn't need to breath. That I was different.

That I was a monster.

I crumbled in a useless heap-something that wasn't knew to me. I could hear creatures giving me a wide berth-but I didn't give a damn-it was just another reminder of what I was.

I saw her fae behind my eyelids, smiling me, face conveying forgiveness-but would she forgive me? I doubted it.

I didn't even know how much time had passed since I had seen her last-whether it was five days of five hundred years. It felt longer than eternity.

…_Bella, my Bella…_

I couldn't even shed tears for her-dammit!-I could only dry sob.

I couldn't tell how long I laid there, or even where I was. But it didn't matter. My Bella…

I stood, and started running.

_Stop._

I couldn't. All I wanted was Bella-to be in her prescience again, to feel her in my arms again.

_How could she ever forgive a monster like you?_

I collapsed on my knees, breathing heavily even though I didn't have to.

Damn it all. How could she forgive me? All I did was hurt her, even though she had still wanted me. Even though as I was leaving she had begged me to stay-to take her. To be a part of my world.

I couldn't do it anymore. I needed her. I had to go to her.

I found the ground disappearing beneath my feet in my haste. I had to see her. I needed it. Who gave a damn, I was already going to hell.

But she wasn't. That was enough to slow me down.

The whole damn reason I had left was to protect her. If my soul was already lost I'd be damned-no pun intended-if hers was as well.

I turned and started walking down the street. I looked up, and saw a sign-_Come back to Seattle soon!_

I stopped, I was so close. So close. Too. Damn. Close.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and finger. What the hell was I supposed to do?

"Excuse me?"

I looked up to see a woman dressed in scrubs by a mailbox, she blushed when she saw me looking at her. I could see myself reflected in her eyes-and I looked like crap.

I stared at her blankly, until she giggled nervously.

"Are you the lawyer? For Swan?" she asked, as she played with the envelopes.

_Swan, _could it be Charlie?

"Yes," my voice came out cracked from disuse. I cleared it, and continued. "Yes, I am."

If it was Charlie, Bella would be here-most likely. But I couldn't stop myself from following the nurse inside.

The scent hardly registered in my brain-chemicals and other smells. But the only thing I could think of was Bella.

Then, the most beautiful scent reached me.

It was floral, and mouthwatering.

…_and Bella's…_

"Here," the nurse pushed open a door, and her scent assaulted me. "Do you need anything…?"

She looked at my empty hands, and I shook my head.

"I'll be fine," I told myself more than her, then she walked away.

I took a deep breath-and walked in.

I thought I was prepared.

But I wasn't.

There she was, thousands of times more beautiful than I had remembered. Her heart shaped face made my heart feel as if it were beating again.

She looked up, and I looked into her wide brown eyes that made me feel like I was falling.

"Bella?" it was a whisper, but also a question.

"Edward?" her voice was frail, thin. I swallowed.

"Yes."

Her lips twisted into a smile-a genuine smile-making me notice how pale they were.

"I knew you would come back," she whispered. "I knew it."

"You were right," I wanted to break down, pull her into my arms. But she looked so frail. So delicate-as if a breeze would blow her away.

That's when I noticed, her mahogany hair had turned white, her firm soft skin had wrinkled, and she moved as if she would fall apart with a wrong move.

She had lived. She had grown up-grown old.

But she was still beautiful.

I moved to her side when she tried to get up.

"You don't look strong enough to move," I whispered as I tucked the blankets back around her waist. My hand brushed her cheek and she shivered.

"It really is you," she whispered.

"Yes," I could hear the crackle in my voice. It was her-it was my Bella.

She smiled, "what are you doing here?"

"Being with you," I whispered. "Bella, my life is hell without you. I made…the biggest mistake of my life, leaving you there."

"Oh, Edward," she rested her hand on my cheek and I leaned in gently to her frail hand. I reached up, and wrapped my hand around hers.

"What happened?" I asked. I wanted to know what she had done, how she had been. I wanted to know everything.

"I grew up."

I pressed my lips to her hand, before returning it to my cheek. I was slightly surprised that my thirst wasn't flaring up-after all, I hadn't hunted in a long time.

She smiled at me, "Edward, I…."

"Yes? Bella?" panic set in, her eyelids fluttered, and her heart beat was irregular.

"I love you, I never stopped waiting for you," she whispered.

"I love you," the truth rung in those words, words I wanted to say-but couldn't. I wanted to go back and unsay what I had said. I wanted more time with her.

We sat in silence, her hand on my cheek, my hand on hers.

I thought about what could have been-but I would never know what could have been. I regretted leaving her-more than anything else in the world.

I wanted to say everything that I had left unspoken. I wanted to-but couldn't. I was scared to ruin the moment. To break the silence and love that bound us.

"Bella? Bella no!" I reached foreword and pressed the call button, but it was too late.

And then I was truly in hell.

_Aro finally released my hand._

_"Such a waste," he murmured-but those weren't the words I was looking for. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather join us? Think of your family, what would they do if you were to leave this world, for nothing?"_

_I knew he meant that I would become nothing. That nothing awaited me._

_But to my family, I was already dead. I didn't know where they were, or what they were doing. I cared-but not enough._

_"Please Aro," I whispered, not caring if I sounded desperate. I just wanted oblivion._

_No, I wanted Bella. Bella, who would be in heaven, where she belonged. My angel, my Bella, my life..._

_Damn my dry eyes. Damn it all. Damn it that I couldn't be with her. And damn me for letting her go._

_"Such a pity," he whispered as he walked back to where the other two leaders of the Volturi sat._

_I heard them whispering, but I didn't bother to listen. One way or another I would die today._

_He looked back at me, and he knew that I would do anything-even expose vampires in Volterra-just to die._

_"Very well," he walked back-painfully slow-to where I knelt._

_He held my face between his hands-and then twisted. I felt my neck break, part on my body which I felt fall to the floor, and part on my head, which Aro was holding._

_I felt heat on the back of my head as I realized I couldn't feel my body anymore, and I closed my eyes as Aro let my head go._

_I felt the flames-but there was no pain. And Bella's face-young and old-filled my mind as the flames consumed me._

...Bella...


End file.
